Not ill?

I wrote this poem when my depression started, struggling with coming to terms with being ill again and whether I could stop it happening. But I could not.

not ill
but will
self will
no will
in mind
to find
the will
until
the mind
splits

to ill .....to sane
too ill .....hang on
to cope.....there’s good
to care ..... there’s life
their pain..... there’s pain


the pain
is ill
ill is pain
back again
not ill
not there
no will
no way

to go ......to stay

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