Treatment update

It's hard to believe I have been having the ozone and hyperthermia treatment for 2 and a half months now. I am still not used to the claustophobic feeling and intense heat of the hyperthermia sauna. These latter weeks M has been reading Alice in Wonderland and when Mum accompanies me it is the 'thought for the day' Jewish man, whose name escapes me at the moment. I have great difficulty in concentrating on it because of my distress but it is a good book, loved by both my counsellor (who seems to be able to recite much of the poetry in it) and Dr Abdre at the clinic. Isometimes liken myself to Alice, a very small person lost in a strange world but Dr Andre says it's about seeing the world through the eyes of a child - how weall ought to see it.

This week I managed to drive to my textile class from by Jackie and we learned how to transfer a picture from an old book onto canvas (gesso first and usin an acrylic gel). I managed to get the picture transferred so felt quite pleased. I will add a photo at some point.

My days, hours and minutes contiue to roller-coaster between some sense of normality to absolute terror of the future and a need to 'end it all now'. I am struggling deeply with so many things and it is ALL TOO MUCH most of the time. I am listening to bird song and trying relaxing mp3 tracks, breathing and using the em-wave machine. I can't make anyone understand how much turmoil I am in, we are all in really. M is struggling too.

Having been in hospital for a few days after Easter I have some pain management in place; it's not perfect but a bit better and the best thing is we now have an allocated McMillan nurse. Thank you, thank you. It's a start and I hope things will get joined up between all the services I am using.
I might write about that time in hospital - you would not believe it....