Three days

Three days to await the result of my scan.
Meanwhile I've been investigating further the alternative treatment side, the holistic, healing approach that seems so much better than the only thing the NHS can offer - paliative chemo when I get to be in pain... God, no I don't want to let it get that far, I want to do something positive NOW.
My emotions see-saw between -1000 and +10.
Positivity is the key to healing, supplements, diet, alternative treatments can help but positivity is the key.
The pain in my head, my heart keeps me from rising above +10, but do it I must.
We have been to visit the Vision of Hope clinic in Brighton, an amazingly positive doctor, and I came away feeling yes, that is what I must do.
The reality is the pain of intravenous treatments on veins which are very poor, the horrendous expense (£200 per session - 2 per week, 3 months and weekly for some more months to come) plus too a huge array of supplements, each one affordable (except biobran) but together ridiculous sums, consultation fees, petrol, time off work - 2 days for us both per week. Mark is keen I do it, I am so scared we are kidding ourselves this will work. Yet I see the science, the trials and evidence are small and often anecdotal; they ring true, sensible, often based on long ago healings things. Why do I waiver?
Conflicting advice, go home, make the time you have left precious;
Go home, you're ill, wait to have chemo, why worry of anything else, why spend your money, take a holiday;
Don't be fooled by charletan practices, accept your death is inevitable, take steps to make your will, set your affairs in order, realise your purpose is to help people, love people
Do not think you will die, you won't, have goals, aims in life, be selfish, look after YOU, NOTHING is impossible,
Take small steps, don't panic....