CT Scan

Tomorrow it's my scan, absolutely petrified. Can't I know do think about influencing result; if tumour growing it will be like that. Wonder if taking these more supplements and back on track with dairy-free will have done any good.
No-one will let me grieve, feel loss for my life - HAVE TO BE POSITIVE - only way you will beat it, get well again. No-one will give me answers, no-one - I don't even know how long it will be before I start to 'have symptoms'.
The planning of the integrated approach is turning into an alternative way only. Have spoken to Cancer Options advisory service and they are very helpful and positive. A good report with evidence and research on the things that may help me for £150 for consultation plus a followup chat and emails. They say they are not biased towards practioners or supplements. I have to trust them on that otherwise I'll go crazy trying to find information. Have huge file of printouts off the web, I could write my thesis on the subject of how impossible it is for you to get support for this approach from NHS. You are hitting your head against brick wall if you even dare try. My breast care nurse said don't do it - spend the money on a family holiday. The NHS can only offer me 'palliative' chemo. Now I want to live I want more than that, I have to try things don't I? Things that are trialled only in small trials but have good anecdotal evidence they can work. Chemo is never going to work. I've been sent a leaflet to go on a 6 week therapeutic course for patients who have reached 'palliative not curable' stage in their treatment options. I haven't reached that stage have I? Surely not. Please God don't let that be so...